It is easy to get an answer to this question: if you think of someone as the cause of your grief, you have handed them the power over you and how you feel.
It sounds counter-intuitive, but no one can upset you without your permission.
Here’s an example: if someone is being rude to you for whatever reason, calling you names and doing their best to express their contempt for you, you have two choices.
You can engage with the person, shout back, try to fend off the unjust attack, or you can simply say “I’m sorry but I’m not accepting insults today. Have a nice day!” and walk away.
Option one guarantees you’ll be feeling bad, reeling from the injustice of it all, repeating the scene in your head over and over, wishing you had put the person in their place better.
Option two will have you feeling smug at first, but after a while you will find that you are genuinely unaffected by the insults.
Soon you’ll begin to exercise better control over your feelings and your responses and only give power over yourself to those you consider worthy of the honour (which, if you have any sense at all, will be NO ONE).
Want to be in better control of your life? Consider taking the Re-Discover Your SELF online workshop.